


What-Ifs

by soft_but_gremlin



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Gen, Good Parent Joxaren | The Joxter, local children worry about the future and their place in it, local fathers have to reassure them that It Will Be Ok Probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21800593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_but_gremlin/pseuds/soft_but_gremlin
Summary: Snufkin's nature is to travel, to explore, to wander. As much as he loves Moominvalley, he needs to get out and see the world too.Both he and Moomintroll worry that might mean one day he won't come back. Twoshot.Chapter one: Moomintroll asks Joxter a question. Joxter's not the right person to answer it, but he'll give it a go anyway.Chapter two: Moominpappa has a boat to try out. Snufkin's got something on his mind. And neither of them have anything in particular planned this morning.
Relationships: Joxaren | The Joxter & Muminpappan | Moominpappa, Joxaren | The Joxter & Mumintrollet | Moomintroll, Joxaren | The Joxter & Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Muminpappan | Moominpappa & Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Mumintrollet | Moomintroll & Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

Joxter was sitting alone on the porch of Moominhouse when Moomintroll approached him, looking very uncertain. Joxter was not sure yet what he wanted, but he was certain it was going to be a question that Joxter would not be the best person to answer. Automatically, he moved to take out his pipe and fill it with tobacco.

He nodded a welcome at Moomintroll, and lit his pipe. Moomintroll nodded back, and then proceeded to sit next to Joxter in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

Finally, Moomintroll asked, “Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did, but I suppose I’ll permit another,” Joxter said, looking out at the valley and away from Moomintroll. Moomintroll didn’t take offense to this behavior. Snufkin did the same thing, and he’d learned over the years that to mumriks, it was a sign of trust.

“Do you think that…” Moomintroll started, and then trailed off. He took a deep breath, and then started again. “Do you think that Snufkin will ever leave Moominvalley forever?”

Joxter was right. This was not a question he wanted to answer and he was also not the person Moomintroll should be asking.

“Why are you asking me and not Snufkin? He surely knows his own nature better than I do,” Joxter said.

“Well, I did ask him, and he got upset and wouldn’t answer me,” Moomintroll said, guiltily.

Ah, the curiosity of Moomins. Even a mumrik couldn’t compare.

Joxter sat smoking for a moment, composing his answer. Moomintroll waited patiently. This, too, was a feature he shared with Snufkin.

“And what if he did?” Joxter asked.

Moomintroll’s face fell. “I would be very upset!” he said. “I think I would have to go after him!”

“Would you?” Joxter asked, turning to look Moomintroll in the eye. “Would you really leave all your friends and family behind just to track down a wanderer who wouldn’t come back? It would be very difficult to find him, you know. It might take years.”

“I would!” Moomintroll protested. “I would travel all the way to the end of the world to find him! He’s my best friend!”

Joxter hummed a response, thinking. Mostly, he was thinking about how different Moomintroll and Moominpappa were. Moominpappa certainly didn’t go to the end of the world to find him or Muddler after they’d disappeared. Then again, he’d been starting a family with someone he loved very much, and had not been a teenager with an infatuation with his best friend. When Moomintroll grew up, things would probably be different.

Still, there was no need to bring that up now. Somebody wanted comfort from this interaction. “Well,” Joxter said. “If you’ll follow when Snufkin leaves, then why does it matter whether or not he returns?”

Now _that_ was a question to distress a Moomin. Joxter could see him trying to weigh the scales between his nature and his love. A Moomin’s nature was to build houses, and settle down, and form close ties with his community. To uproot all of that for a life of wandering after Snufkin would be very difficult for him.

Without waiting for an answer, Joxter moved the conversation along, looking back towards the valley. “I doubt he’d stay gone forever. He might leave for years and years, but eventually he’d come back. Why, he might even decide that traveling is not his nature anymore, and stay forever.”

“Do you really think so?” Moomintroll asked.

Joxter shrugged. “I don’t think it’s likely, but it’s certainly possible. He’s half-mymble, after all, the nesting instinct might kick in eventually. Even mumriks occasionally have a nesting instinct, my grandfather even built a house. It all depends on an individual’s own nature though, which again, Snufkin would know better than I.”

“Your grandpappa built a house?” Moomintroll asked, amazed.

“Oh yes,” Joxter said. “He left his parents at the age of seven, traveled the world until his mid-twenties, and then met a young widow with a set of twins, fell in love, built a house, and stayed there ever since. Grandma and my father and auntie, of course, were wanderers, but whenever their bones got weary they came back, and Grandpa was always happy to look after children. He ended up pretty much raising his own kids by himself until they were old enough to wander, at which point they’d go off with Grandma or all by themselves sometimes, and then he also helped raise me and my cousins until we were old enough to wander alone, and there’s always a few kids around the house. Frankly, if he were a bit taller, you’d think he was a mymble.”

Moomintroll listened, wide-eyed.

“On the opposite end of the spectrum, though,” Joxter continued, “there’s me. I spent most of my early childhood wandering with either my mother or father, and staying at the house only when both of them were on risky trips. The most stable--and the laziest--time in my life was when I lived on Hodgkins’s houseboat with your father and Muddler, and then for a bit after when I lived with Mymble. The older I get, the more unbearable it is to stay in one spot for any length of time, which is why you’ll never see me living in Moominvalley for three seasons of the year.”

Moomintroll was still wide-eyed, though this time for a different reason. Was it possible that Snufkin might one day find Moominvalley _unbearable?_

“Which side do you think Snufkin would tend toward?” Moomintroll asked, trying to sound casual about it.

Joxter shrugged. “Impossible to tell at this point. Even Snufkin probably doesn’t know yet, although he’d have a far better guess than I.”

“But you can tell the future, can’t you?” Moomintroll asked.

Joxter laughed. “I take it you and Snufkin don’t talk about his cards much, do you?”

Moomintroll shook his head. Sometimes Snufkin would tell him what the cards had foretold, but they’d never really talked about the cards themselves.

“The only time the future is certain is when it becomes the past,” Joxter said, “and the only point at which we can be sure of anything is when it’s too late. Anyway, I don’t really do oracle-type Foreboding--not anymore, at least. My abilities lay mostly in sensing danger before we’re caught up in it, and whether Snufkin becomes a wanderer or a nester or something in-between, the decision itself isn’t dangerous.”

Moomintroll still seemed distressed, and internally, Joxter sighed. Awful lot of anxieties, this Moomintroll. It seemed like such a silly fear to Joxter, who could see how much the two boys cared for each other, but he was never one to dismiss another’s fear. One didn’t stay friends with Muddler for thirty years without learning how to deal with anxieties, and one thing was for sure, telling someone his fears were ridiculous was typically one of the worst possible ways to do it.

Still, Moomintroll wasn’t getting it. Time to be blunt, he supposed.

“Listen, Moomintroll,” Joxter said, looking him in the eyes. “Do you feel like Snufkin cares about you?”

“Of course!” Moomintroll said, without hesitation. 

“Then wouldn’t you think that he’d try to balance your feelings with his own nature?”

“He does!” Moomintroll said. “That’s why he leaves in the winter but comes back every spring!”

“Then you don’t have anything to worry about,” Joxter said. “If he cares about you enough to stay, and you care about him enough to leave, then no matter what happens you’ll be able to work out something that benefits you both.”

Moomintroll processed that idea for a few moments, turning the implications of it over in his mind. He seemed to find it satisfactory, for the moment at least.

“I think I understand. Thank you, Joxter!” Moomintroll said.

Joxter nodded at him, and Moomintroll took off into the house. Then, he gave a long, slow sigh, creating a stream of smoke in front of him. These silly kids, so full of emotions and with no idea what to do with them.

For both their sakes, he really hoped they worked something out.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a lovely day in Moominvalley. Sniff, Moomintroll, Little My, and Moominmamma had gone into the forest to pick berries, and had yet to return. The two Snorks were hard at work on some invention, this one just as much Snorkmaiden’s as it was Snork’s. Moominpappa had just finished building a new boat, and he was quite eager to test it out. This boat was smaller than the family boat, good for an adventure of two or three people. He expected to use it mostly for dates with Moominmamma, or for days that Snufkin, Moomin, and Little My wanted to go out sailing, as they were all old enough that Moominpappa hardly had to worry about them sailing off on their own for a few days. But before anyone could go off on fun adventures, he needed to make sure it was fit to be out in the water. And for that, he needed a sailing partner. And today, there was only one person who didn’t seem busy in the whole valley.

“Snufkin, good morning!” Moominpappa called out.

Snufkin, who had been sitting against a tree, smoking and thinking, looked up. “Why, hello, Moominpappa!” called back.

“I was wondering whether you’d like to come test out a new boat with me,” Moominpappa said, approaching the wanderer.

It almost seemed like Snufkin was going to turn him down, but after a moment, Snufkin replied, “Sure, why not?”

The two walked down to the beach in comfortable silence. It seemed today that Snufkin had something on his mind, but Moominpappa wasn’t going to pry, at least not yet. As they pushed the boat into the water and rowed out away from the beach, Snufkin had a slight air of distractedness about him. Snufkin was typically somewhat difficult to read, so the fact that Moominpappa could see that he was a bit troubled was concerning. Something must really be bothering him.

They floated out far enough that they could barely see the beach, and then Moominpappa handed Snufkin a fishing pole. “Ought to make sure that the boat will float for more than ten minutes, don’t you think?” he asked.

Snufkin hummed a reply, but didn’t converse. That was alright. The words would come soon enough. Moominpappa had a hunch.

They sat fishing for a while. Nothing was biting. Moominpappa gently made observations about the weather, and about the garden, and about recent happenings in Moominvalley, but the conversational bait he laid out wasn’t effective today either, so eventually he just lapsed into silence, staring out over the sparkling sea, reflecting on things.

Finally, after an extended bout of silence, Snufkin asked, “Moominpappa? Do you mind if I ask a question?”

“Not at all, my dear boy,” Moominpappa said.

“Do you think someone’s nature can change?”

Snufkin’s tone was light, almost careless, but Moominpappa knew a serious question when he saw one.

“Well…” Moominpappa started out, thinking it over. Obviously Snufkin was thinking of somebody in particular’s nature, but whether it was his own or Moomintroll’s or Joxter’s or someone else’s entirely was anybody’s guess. “I think it depends.”

“On what?” Snufkin asked, obviously not expecting that answer.

“Well, on circumstances I suppose. On whether someone feels they have a reason to change, on whether you mean a temporary or permanent change, things like that.”

Snufkin clearly didn’t understand, so Moominpappa continued.

“For example, your father’s nature, in general, is to laze. However, in our youth, he would occasionally go through periods of days or even weeks where he had intense, focused bursts of energy, and during those periods he would almost single-mindedly pursue a task, whether that be improving the motor of the  _ Oshun Oxtra _ , or terrorizing a park keeper, or even one time, making a map of the whole island we were on. These weren’t him going against his nature, but rather, a temporary change in his nature that reversed itself soon after.”

This example didn’t seem to ease Snufkin’s mind. Moominpappa tried another one.

“My nature changed too, over time--quite dramatically, you know. I was quite adventurous in my youth, but once I got married and had a child of my own, I settled quite naturally into a more domestic life. I still get passions to go adventuring every once in a while, but they’re more of a temporary thing these days than a constant ache.”

If anything, this seemed to trouble Snufkin even more. He didn’t say anything yet, but Moominpappa felt that he simply had to wait. Sometimes it took a bit to put one’s thoughts together.

After a while, Snufkin said, “I worry about the future, sometimes.”

“That’s quite a natural worry to have, I assure you,” Moominpappa said.

Snufkin stared out at the sea. “I don’t want to stay in Moominvalley forever,” he said, slowly. “There’s so much world out there. It’s practically endless, like the sea. If I ever stopped being a wanderer, I don’t think I could handle it. Even Moominvalley would become like a cage to me.”

At this, Snufkin paused. Moominpappa sensed a  _ but _ incoming, so he simply waited for it.

“But…” Snufkin said. “I’m afraid that if I went too far into the world, I might not come back to Moominvalley, and that seems like an equally awful option. I’ve heard that my dad can’t stand to stay anywhere anymore, and I worry that I’ll end up like that too, and I don’t...I don’t  _ want _ to be like that. I know Moomin would be terribly upset, and Little My and everyone else too, probably, and I think I would quite miss Moominvalley, but the thought that I...that I might  _ not _ worries me even  _ more. _ ”

Snufkin looked away, afraid of what Moominpappa might think about his outburst. Moominpappa stroked his chin, trying to figure out the best way to assuage Snufkin’s fears.

“Well…” Moominpappa said, thinking. “Even if you ended up like Joxter, and couldn’t bear to stay anywhere for long, that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t stay anywhere  _ ever _ . Your daddy doesn’t stay very long when he visits, but he doesn’t leave forever either.”

Snufkin looked like he hadn’t considered that. “That’s true,” he said, quietly.

“Furthermore, if you’re this concerned about missing Moominvalley while you’re right here in it, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about whether or not you’ll miss it when you’re away. Of course, I can’t predict the future, but it seems to me like you’ll be missing Moominvalley for many years to come. Sometimes I miss the forest I met Hodgkins and Muddler and your daddy in, and I don’t think I was nearly so attached to there as you are to here.”

Snufkin opened his mouth as if to give the automatic argument that he wasn’t attached to Moominvalley, then shut it. This whole conversation was about his conflicting attachment and need for freedom, it wouldn’t make sense to deny it now.

“And don’t forget, Snufkin, that you don’t necessarily have to travel alone,” Moominpappa said. Then, before Snufkin could argue, he pressed on, “You can if you want to, of course, and you can have many trips alone, but it doesn’t always have to be a solo journey. I’m sure Moomin or Little My or the Snorks would be delighted to travel with you in the future. An extended adventure with your friends, like the kind I had in my youth, might be just the compromise you need to sate your wandering spirit while not necessarily leaving all of Moominvalley behind.”

Snufkin turned Moominpappa’s advice over in his mind with a frown, but slowly, after a few minutes of contemplation, his expression became less troubled. Finally, he looked up at his companion. “You’ve given me quite a lot to think about, Moominpappa,” he said. Then, after a pause, he added, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Moominpappa said affably. Then, suddenly, he yanked on his fishing pole. “Aha! A bite!”

“Careful, don’t rock the boat too much!” Snufkin said.

“It’s going to be a big one, I can feel it!” Moominpappa said, reeling in the line and tugging at the pole.

(It wasn’t. It was soon discovered to be a boot. But that was alright, the fishing wasn’t the point anyway.)

After a while, they decided that the boat was sufficiently tested, and they rowed back to shore. The return trip wasn’t nearly as quiet as the going, as Moominpappa regaled Snufkin with a story about a time that he and the  _ Oshun Oxtra _ crew were exploring an island and their little Nibling friend got into trouble with the law for chewing the rope of a flagpole outside the courthouse. He had Snufkin laughing all the way through it. When Snufkin stepped onto shore, his steps were a lot lighter than when he’d left it. Moominpappa considered that a win.

The two of them headed back for Moominhouse, just in time for lunch. When Moominpappa saw Moomintroll catch sight of them, and delightedly wave at Snufkin, and when he saw Snufkin’s face light up as he gave a far calmer wave back, he knew that Snufkin didn’t really have anything to worry about. Either he would return to Moominvalley, or the most important parts of Moominvalley would go with him, and everything would be all right.


End file.
